The Story of Nicholas' Early Arrival: Still Doing Well

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Still Doing Well

This is the oxygen machine and apnea montior.

We are surviving our first few days at home. It really hasn't been that bad. We have had a few low heart rate alarms but he has come back up right away each time. He slept really well last night and only woke me once in the middle of the night and then at about 6:45. His voice is still weak and quiet but it does wake me up. We have gone through a ton of clothes already because he is a messy boy. We also had our first rainbow of pee during a diaper change today. He got more on himself and the changing table than on the floor. The home health nurse is coming tomorrow morning. I really don't know what she does but since he is on oxygen and the monitor they send them to the house.

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Preemie Experience

The Preemie Experience
The preemie experience is the shattering of all your dreams
For a normal, healthy delivery,
Of the ability to carry home a beautiful squirming bundle
After a short stay in the hospital.
It is lying there in your hospital room listening to
The happy sounds of whole families joined
Together by the birth of a grandchild, cousin, niece,
or nephew, and knowing that your
Child is miles away and may not survive long enough
For you to see or simply touch.
It is that first glimpse of a skinny, scrawny, not much bigger
Than a Barbie doll child
And feeling, fear, awe, and joy for such a fragile soul.
It is sitting by your baby’s “bedside” day after day,
Week after week, month after month,
Alternating between the emotional high of “Look, his eyes are open,” or “he’s crying!”
And the lows of “I’m sorry, something has shown up in the ultrasound,”
Or even “There is nothing we can do…”
It is hearing the alarms go off for the twentieth time in less
Than fifteen minutes because your
Child’s heart rate keeps hitting zero.
It is watching children dying around you, wondering if
Your child will be next.
It is hearing your child’s cry of distress as the nurses
Insert yet another IV and do another
Round of daily blood tests.
It is meeting other parents of children who are doing far better
And wondering, “Why me?”
And meeting parents of children who have just died,
And praising God for His mercy
To your child and feeling guilty because your child is alive
And someone else is grieving for theirs.
It is days of nightmarish testing and coping with less
Than positive results to the tests.
It is days of joy at seeing the first eyelash appear,
The child gain a whole ounce in one day,
And two bright shiny eyes look at you and into your soul,
And knowing that your child now recognizes you as Mama or Dada;
Or perhaps looks at you and does not see you at all…
It is that final hurdle before coming home!
It is the sorrow of waiting for the monitor company Representative to show you what to do
If the alarm sounds when your child is choking,
Gasping for breath, or simply dying.
It is the joy of just being away from all those nurses
And tubes and wires and beeps, and
Walking into the nursery you hastily prepared because,
after all,
The child wasn’t due for another four months!
It is thinking the nightmare is over…only to realize it still Continues in the form of
Such acronyms as PVL, RSV, BPD, CP and numerous others.
It is the final realization that those developmental delays
Have to be dealt with,
That reflux is a normal and unfortunate
occurrence in most preemies,
That the constant fight to gain weight is in direct proportion
To a preemie’s ability to do so.
It is watching a child struggle to pick up his or her head, sit, Crawl, or walk.
It is witnessing only silence when the child should be babbling,
Because the child cannot hear.
It is the mental images of a child running and playing
And communicating with others in a
Perfectly normal manner that are marred when you face years of therapy
In order to simply get the child to eat by himself or herself,
To talk or walk and then run.

The preemie experience is a journey…A journey through your soul in order to find the faith and strength to cope,
A journey of the mind when you face the emotional weariness,
A journey of the heart…to accept that, no matter what,

This child is yours,
And you will love this child no matter what.

The Story of Nicholas' Early Arrival

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Still Doing Well

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